I’ve been thinking a lot about fear.
The current climate of political, social, and economic uncertainty may have something to do with it. Crazy-making in the media and fear that morphs into hatred plays a part too.
Almost every fear we have – fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of vulnerability, fear of failure, fear of intimacy, fear of success – can be reduced down to one of three essential fears.
- Fear of ourselves
- Fear of others
- Fear of life
Fear of ourselves usually rises up as the fear of not being {happy, pretty, wealthy, confident, thin, strong, successful, young, smart} enough.
The antidote to the fear of ourselves is gentleness.
Gentleness looks like allowing ourselves to be who we are, where we are and what we are. We are gentle with ourselves when we have the courage to be softened, to be touched, to be opened by the world. We are gentle with ourselves when we establish and maintain healthy boundaries to keep our tender hearts safe.
Fear of each other surfaces as fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, fear of vulnerability, fear of missing out, or fear of abandonment.
The antidote to the fear of each other is curiosity.
What good reason might they have for doing what they are doing? Why are you feeling triggered? Can you imagine being them, experiencing the life that brought them to this moment? What past experience in you is asking to be healed?
Fear of life looks like fear of failure, fear of success, fear of death, or fear of regret.
We all want to live a life that lights us up. We all want to get to the end of our days and feel good about how we spent our time.
The antidote to fear of life is trust.
By relaxing into life we are free to be in our experience with presence, to surrender to the flow. By trusting our truth we allow it to take us into a life of meaning and significance, into a life we love.
We are all born with a primary purpose – to learn how to trust ourselves, others, and the world. It’s not always easy; the struggling, suffering, and trauma we experience causes fear to take over.
We desperately want to give and receive love but fear-based thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviours push it away.
This work is, often, at the heart of therapy because trust opens the door to love and love dissolves the fear.
Next time the veil of fear slips over your life, ask yourself am I afraid of myself, others, or the world?
Then, add a little gentleness, curiosity, or trust into the moment and notice what happens.